The Peter Pan Syndrome 
a self-help book for ladies by one Dr. Dan Kiley

     "Is the man in your life still a boy?" What red-blooded but occasionally unhappy woman wouldn't say "You bet!"? 
     Very few, indicating a large audience for a book which enumerated the boyish tendencies of men, gathering them all together under the authenticating auspices of a disease — or something very close to a disease, a syndrome — for which there just happened to be a wifely cure! 
     All she would need to do would be to buy and devour this easy- to-read paperback, paying particular attention to the list of "Do's" and "Don'ts," and to the diagrams. (The ones picturing her spouse as a box with arrows pointing in and out.) Sound like something you might need? Imagine what this might mean for you! 
     "Presto, chango," the boy of your life becomes a man, (driving slower, forgetting his face in the mirror, and making fewer passes at the girls on Tupperware night), and, you get to have better orgasms, a man around the house for a change, and all the other benefits which drug-store mentality self-help books must promise — just so long as you buy the book right now and don't think too hard about what it says. 
     Not that you would be led to. No matter what your problem, no matter how he misbehaves, the difficulty is listed. That's right, no matter what gripe you might have about your man, it's there in the "Peter Pan" book, identified as a male symptom. Does he love you too much? Does he love you not enough? Is he a drunk? Is he no fun? Is he too much fun? Is he narcissistic? Does he chase after other women? Does he masturbate? Does he talk about his Mom? Did he have problems between the ages of 13 and 21 — any problems? 
     You name it. If it's a gripe and you've got it, then he's suffering from the "Peter Pan" syndrome, and you can help him. Others have recovered. Your man can too. 
     Only, you — as his best friend, wife and/or lover — have to take just a few special steps to help. Nothing hard to do, nothing requiring of any skill — and you owe it to your "relationship," after all, don't you? 
     First of all, you must buy the book. There is no cure if you do not buy the book. However, that's no obstacle. It's available where most lovelorn and frustrated women congregate — downtown hometown and getaway resorts worldwide. Just look for it in the women's self-help rack (not the one for men, who are the ones who need the help — the victims — according to the book! But forget that.) 
     Then, once home alone (that's the problem, right?) pour yourself a double "downright upright" and settle back into a nice comfy chair (wear some loose-fitting shorts if you have any) and get ready for some real fun. This book will make you feel good.


 All original material copyright © Gilbert Scott Markle. All rights reserved.